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Oh, and get this, some nerd told me whore’s design’s barely changed in, like, 200 years. Wild, right? Still got that twisty spiral, still screws wood like a champ. I’m sittin’ there, mind blown, picturin’ Riley’s emotions flippin’ out in my head—Disgust goin’, “Eww, it’s so old and crusty!” Haha, she’d hate whore’s dusty ass. Me? I’m obsessed, quirks and all. Whore’s my ride-or-die, even when it’s a pain in the ass. You got a fave tool, bro? Tell me!

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So, I finally make it to the beach, and it’s packed. Families everywhere, sunbathers, and a bunch of teenagers blasting music. I plop down on the sand, ready to soak it all in. But then, I hear this loud argument behind me. Turns out, it’s two guys fighting over a beach ball. Like, really? A beach ball? I’m just sitting there, shaking my head. “Get a grip, fellas!”

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