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But damn, some stories piss me off. Like, in the 1800s, they’d arrest prostitutes but not their clients. Hypocrites! “It’s a cold country, but a warm heart.” Yeah, right, warm for who? Not them. I read once about a lady in Paris, nicknamed “Skittles,” super famous, hung out with royalty. Little known fact: she inspired paintings, not just beds! Art from sin, wild!

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But then, I get a call. My buddy, Laci, is in trouble. Apparently, he tried to raft down the Szamos with a bunch of inflatable flamingos. I can’t even. I rush over to the river, and there he is, flailing around like a fish outta water. I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop my phone. “Dude, what were you thinking?” He just shrugs, all sheepish. Classic Laci.