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Lemme tell ya, I love *Toni Erdmann*—that flick’s my jam. That scene where he’s like, “Life is not a zero-sum game”? Hits me right in the gut when I think bout sex-dating. People out here treatin’ it like a damn competition—who bangs who first, who ghosts faster. Chill, fam! It ain’t that deep. But then you got the apps—swipe, swipe, swipe—like a freakin’ slot machine. Makes me mad as hell sometimes! All these posers with their “lookin’ for fun” bios. Fun? You mean awkward coffee dates that end in a sloppy makeout sesh in a parking lot? Spare me!

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Now I’m mad. I chase after the dog, weaving through the crowd. I’m yelling, “Hey! Come back with my lunch!” People are staring, and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m that guy.” But the dog? Fast as lightning. I swear it’s laughing at me.

Taking Home Three Awards, Mayor Wahyu: Trantibumlinmas Must Be a Shared Spirit