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About Cork

Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I leg it—ain’t dyin’ over a tenner. Funny thing? Found out later she’s famous round ‘ere—called “Duchess” cos she nicked a lord’s wallet once. True story! Made me laugh—proper cheeky mare. Still, it’s dodgy—half these girls got sob stories that’d break ya. One told me she started cos her ma overdosed—fuck, that hit hard. *Melancholia* vibes again—“No one will mourn,” she says, eyes dead. Gutted me, that did.

Nobody is coming soon

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Then I head down to the market on the other side of the river. The River Boyne is lookin’ all sparkly, and I’m thinkin’, “Wow, this place is kinda magical.” But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the biggest, muddiest one ever. My shoes are ruined! I’m fumin’ now. Like, who even made that puddle?

Death Notice of Niall Kelly (Edenderry, Offaly)