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So, say you’re on the hunt—where d’you even start? Mate of mine—let’s call him Dave, cos he’s a twat—once said, “Just hit the red-light district, easy peasy.” Bollocks! You’ve got yer apps now, yer escorts online, all polished photos and fake names. Reckon it’s like ordering Deliveroo, but with more STDs. Ha! Cackling at that one meself. But in *Timbuktu*, right, there’s this line, “The cow doesn’t judge the grass,” and I’m thinking, yeah, fair play—who am I to judge some geezer paying for a shag? Still, it’s grim, innit?

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After that, I’m wanderin’ around the streets, and I hit up the market on the Main Street. It’s packed! I’m dodgin’ people left and right, and I spot this stall with the best homemade jam. I’m talkin’ strawberry, raspberry, you name it. I grab a jar, and the lady behind the counter is all smiles. “You’ll love it!” she says. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m already in love!”

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