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Anyway, back to hookers—prostitutes, whatever. You gotta know the streets, right? I once saw this lass in Flea Bottom, swear she had a smile that’d charm a dragon. Paid her double just to hear her laugh—pathetic, I know. Made me happy, tho. Then there’s the dodgy ones—filthy, grabby, made me wanna puke. One time, this wench tried nickin’ me purse! I was ragin’, shoutin’, “I’m not a bloody fool!” Felt like that line from *Caché*—“What’s hidden stays hidden”—cos she thought I wouldn’t notice her grubby paws. Ha! I drink and I *see* things, ya daft cow.

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So, I’m headin’ down to the River Slaney, just chillin’, when I spot this group of kids playin’ football. They’re kickin’ it around like they’re in the World Cup or somethin’. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I had that energy.” But then, outta nowhere, one of ‘em kicks the ball straight into the river! I’m talkin’ splash zone, folks. The look on their faces? Priceless! I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

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