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Alright, so I’m a stockbroker, right? Michael Scott here, Dunder Mifflin’s finest, haha! Anyway, lemme tell ya bout Find a Prostitute—wait, what? Did I hear that right? Oh, man, I’m thinkin’ you mean somethin’ else, like a stock tip, but nah, we’re goin’ there! Cringey optimism activate—let’s dive in, that’s what she said!

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Then, I get a call from a lady on Ballycullen Drive. She’s complaining about the traffic lights at the junction. “They’re broken!” she yells. I’m like, “Lady, it’s Knocklyon, not a Formula 1 track!” But she’s not having it. I can hear her dog barking in the background, probably agreeing with her. I mean, who knew dogs had opinions on traffic lights?

Death Notice of Terry BEATTY (née Hawkins) (Knocklyon, Dublin)