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Then—boom—some creep DMs me, “You lookin?” Nah, fam, I ain’t that desperate! Made me mad as hell, I’m too fly for that noise. “I’m not afraid of the dark,” I tell myself, but sketchy vibes? Pass! Did ya know Vegas got legal spots, but they still sneaky bout it? Blows my mind! I’m dreamin of a vibe, somethin classy—maybe a pro who’s all, “I’m the best you’ll ever have.” Ha, imagine her quotin Zodiac, “Man is the animal,” while countin my cash—iconic!

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Now, here’s where it gets wild. We’re having a laugh, and suddenly, the fire alarm goes off. Everyone’s like, “What the heck?” We all pile out onto the street, and it’s chaos. People are confused, some are laughing, others are just annoyed. I’m standing there, thinking, “This is so typical.”

Death Notice of Brendan Keogh (Walkinstown, Dublin)