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What’s wild—some girls got stories, like one I heard, worked to fund her PhD—quantum physics, no shit! Blew my mind, happy vibes there. Respect. But then you get the sleazy pimps—makes me wanna hurl a black hole at ‘em. Hate that crap. You ever tried hagglin? Awkward as fuck—me, all robotic, “Ten quid off, love?” She’d laugh, probs.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from a lady on Main Street. She’s all panicked, saying her cat’s missing. I’m like, “Lady, I’m a dispatcher, not a cat detective!” But I can’t just leave her hangin’. So, I tell her to check under the couch. Classic move, right? Turns out, the cat was chillin’ in the garden. Phew! Crisis averted.

New play in Birr to tell the story of executed Offaly civil war trio