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I pull up, all sweaty, palms shakin’—nerves, man! She’s chattin’ me up, voice all smoky, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it, SpongeBob, yer in deep!” Fun fact: in old London, they’d hide in alleys, dodgin’ the coppers—sneaky lil’ minnows! I’m laughin’, “What’s yer rate, jellyfish?”—keepin’ it light, ya know? She smirks, “50 bucks, sailor.” I’m like, “Tartar sauce, that’s steep!” Bargained her down to 40—score! Felt like I won the lottery, bouncin’ in me seat.

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As the day drags on, I’m fixin’ shoes left and right. I swear, I’ve seen every type of shoe imaginable. From stilettos to wellies, it’s all in a day’s work. But then, I get a call from my sister. She’s in a panic. “I locked myself out!” she wails. I’m like, “Why do you always do this?” But I can’t leave her hangin’, so I grab my keys and dash outta the shop.

Former Beacon Hotel owner checks out of Foxrock with €4.6m sale of six-bed home