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What surprised me? How chill she was bout it all, like it’s just another gig. Kinda sad, too – “I must be gone from here” – that movie vibe crept in, makin’ me wonder where she’s headed. I ain’t no saint, brah, but I ain’t payin’ for it neither – The Rock’s got standards! So, I bounce, leavin’ her smirkin’ in the dark, prolly thinkin’ I’m a chump. Whatever, man, I’m out, sky’s callin’ me back!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid bursts in. He’s like, “Mister, my shoe’s broken!” I look down, and it’s a total disaster. The sole’s hangin’ on by a thread. I’m thinkin’, “How do you even do that?” But I can’t be mean, so I say, “No worries, buddy. I gotcha.” I fix it up, and he’s grinnin’ like he just won the lottery. Kids, man. They’re so easily pleased.

Death Notice of Carol McKenna (née McGloughlin) (Foxrock, Dublin)