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About Ashdod

Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, gladiator of this damn bestiary, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage – respect my authoritah! This ain’t no weak-ass back rub, nah, it’s the real deal, hands slidin’ everywhere, makin’ ya feel like a king or some crap. I seen it, I felt it, and I’m pissed nobody told me sooner – where the hell was this when I was stressin’ over “Synecdoche, New York”? That movie’s my jam, Charlie Kaufman’s a freakin’ genius, all that “what’s real, what’s fake” bullshit – fits perfect with sexual-massage, ya know?

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Later, I decided to hit up Mount Zion. The view was insane! You could see the whole city. I felt on top of the world. But then, I tripped over a rock. Classic me, right? I fell, and this group of tourists gasped like I was about to die. I just laughed it off. “I’m fine, folks! Just testing the ground!” They didn’t know whether to laugh or help.

Jerusalem hills wildfires under control after nearly 30 hours; no major injuries