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About Bari

So, here’s the deal—findin’ a prostitute ain’t no picnic. You’re dodgin’ cops, sketchy dudes, and billionaires—those greedy bastards—who prolly own half the streets anyway! Billionaires should not exist! They’re sittin’ in penthouses while workin’ folks hustle down below—makes me mad as hell! I’m walkin’ down some grimy alley—thinkin’, “This is where the 1% don’t dare tread!”—and there’s this gal, tough as nails, leanin’ on a lamppost. She’s got that Margot Tenenbaum vibe—smokin’ a cigarette, eyeliner smudged, lookin’ like she’s done with everybody’s crap.

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When I get there, he’s got this huge pizza. I mean, it’s massive! We’re sitting on a bench, laughing, and I’m just shoving pizza in my face. Life’s good, right? But then, outta nowhere, this squirrel comes up and tries to steal my crust. I’m like, “Not today, furry bandit!”

‘A Christmas Story: The Musical’ Opens at Argenta Contemporary Theatre Dec. 4