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Thing is, it’s messy, man. Ya think it’s all sexy and fun, but nah – it’s sad, too. Got me feelin’ weird, like when Winfried sings that whacky song and ya don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I’d tell ya, buddy, if yer lookin’ to “find a prostitute,” maybe chill. Ain’t worth the hassle. Go watch “Toni Erdmann” instead – way more bang for yer buck, no shady vibes. “Mmm… donuts,” that’s my therapy right there!

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First off, I’m cruising down Via Roma, thinking about grabbing a coffee at my fave spot, Bar Centrale. You know, the one with the best cappuccino in town? But nah, of course, it’s packed. Like, people are spilling out the door. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 10-minute latte. C’mon, man! I’m losing my patience here.

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