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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, lemme tell ya bout this mad thing—findin a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin thru some dodgy backstreet, lookin for action, yeah? Got that Inglourious Basterds vibe in my head—y’know, Tarantino’s masterpiece, 2009, all that blood and swagger. “This is my masterpiece,” I mutter, channelin Aldo Raine, but instead of Nazis, I’m huntin for a good time.

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And wow, the Adda River is lookin’ gorgeous today. The water’s sparkling, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe this day ain’t so bad.” But then, I see this family of ducks. They’re quacking like they own the place. I’m laughing, but then one of ‘em decides to waddle right up to me. I’m like, “What’s up, little dude?” And it just stares at me. I swear, it was judging my life choices.

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