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What pisses me off? The secrecy! I’m like, “Just tell me upfront, I’ll adjust the rate!” None of this sneakin’ around, droppin’ hints. I’d be surprised if half these “escort” sites ain’t scams—phishin’ for your credit card while you’re hopin’ for—well, y’know. I’d rather watch *Caché* again, tryin’ to figure out who’s screwin’ with who. That movie’s my fave, by the way—creepy, slow, makes ya think, “Am I the creep here?!” Perfect for a neurotic like me.

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Finally, I decide to call it a day. I’m walkin’ back through the streets, and I pass by the Piazza Saffi. It’s beautiful, man. The old buildings, the vibe, it’s all good. I stop for gelato at that place on the corner. Best decision ever! I get a scoop of pistachio and chocolate. Heaven in a cone!

Floods return to haunt Italy’s fresh produce industry