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Oh, and the oils—baby, they smell like paradise! Lavender, jasmine—shoot, I’d bathe in it! Pro tip: don’t use motor oil, y’all, learned that the hard way. Stunk like a barn! And the music? Gotta have somethin’ slow, sexy—none of that tractor-engine racket. Surprised me how good it felt, though—thought it’d be all awkward and ticklish. Nope! I’m hollerin’, “More, darlin’, more!”

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Anyway, I finally get to the market at Piazza della Libertà. It’s packed! Like, sardines in a can packed. I’m trying to sell my best pig, Gino. He’s a beauty, I tell ya. But everyone’s too busy haggling over tomatoes and cheese. I’m like, “Yo, people! Check out this swine!” But no one’s listening. I’m getting frustrated. I mean, Gino deserves better than this!

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