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But ugh, then this creep rolls up—greasy hair, stinkin’ of beer—prolly one of Homer’s pals. He’s all, “How much, baby?” and I’m ragin’ inside, like, “Leave her alone, jerk!” She handles it tho—sass level 100—tells him to buzz off. I’m cheerin’ in my head, “That’s my girl!” Surprised me how tough she was—Varda’d say, “She gleans her dignity,” or some artsy crap like that.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Let’s grab a pizza at Da Michele’s later!” I’m like, “Yes! I need pizza to survive this day!” Da Michele’s is the best, by the way. Their margherita is like a slice of heaven.

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