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Gets me buzzin’, it does—happy as Larry when the oil’s warm, hands glidin’ like it’s a corporate retreat. But, Christ, I’ve seen some dodgy parlours—sticky floors, dodgy vibes, made me wanna shout, “This ain’t in the handbook!” Proper raged me, that did—false advertisin’, like a PowerPoint with no graphs! Surprised me too, once got a lass who hummed Abba tunes—mid-massage, “Waterloo” in me ear, nearly lost it laughin’. “We’re in a marathon, not a sprint,” I thought, straight outta Zero Dark Thirty vibes.

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Man, lemme tell yuh 'bout my day in Portmore. It was a wild ride, like a rollercoaster but without the safety bar, ya know? So, I woke up late, as usual. Alarm clock? Nah, more like a suggestion. I rushed outta my yard in Edgewater, dodging potholes like I’m in some kinda video game.

Security guard gunned down in Portmore