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Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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As the day winds down, I head to the beach again. The sunset is insane. Like, the sky is on fire. I pull out my phone to snap a pic, but my battery’s dead. Ugh! I’m so mad! I just wanna capture this moment. But then I see a couple next to me, and they’re taking the most adorable pics. I ask if they can send me one, and they’re super chill about it. People in Runaway-Bay are just so friendly, ya know?

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