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About Saitama

Mate, she’s a bitch to park – wide as a house. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but fuck, feels like it. Quirky thought – bet she’d outrun Zodiac’s cab, leave that creep in the dust. Sarcasm? Oh, yeah, “great mileage,” I say, as I’m broke at the pump again. Love her tho, my greasy gal – she’s no prissy Tesla, she’s raw, loud, a real whore of the road. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I’m the king of this beast, and she’s mine.

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So, I’m sweating bullets, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it. My career’s over.” But then, I see this cute little kid in the front row. He’s got this giant stuffed bear, and he’s just staring at me. I’m like, “Alright, kid, you’re my backup.” I start auctioning off the bear. “Who wants this bear? It’s got more personality than half the folks here!” The crowd cracks up, and I’m back in the game.

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