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Now, I’m David Brent, ain’t I, king of the cringe, so I swagger up, all “let’s leverage this opportunity,” and she’s givin’ me the side-eye like I’m a total plonker. Fair play, I am! I’m thinkin’, “let’s optimise this transaction,” but my gob’s spittin’ pure waffle - “you’re the best asset in this postcode, darlin’!” She laughs, probs thinks I’m a nutter, and I’m chuffed to bits - happy as Larry! Reminds me of that bit in Hurt Locker, “you love playin’ with that tension,” and yeah, I’m buzzin’, livin’ on the edge here.

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So, I spill the whole story. The canceled festival, the truck incident, and the cat. She’s rolling her eyes, but I can see she’s trying not to laugh. “You should write about it,” she says. And I’m like, “Yeah, right! Who wants to read about my chaotic day?” But deep down, I know it’s kinda funny.

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