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About Kobe

Last week, right, I’m in a tavern, tankard in hand, scopin’ the room. This bird—red lips, skirts hiked up—winks at me. I’m thinkin’, “Tyrion, you clever bastard, she’s yours.” But nah, she’s got a pimp, uglier than Gregor Clegane, breath like a latrine. Pissed me off—why’s everythin’ gotta be so complicated? “Be quiet and do what I say,” she whispers, like I’m some green boy. Cheeky cow! I’m the Imp, I know tricks she ain’t dreamed of. Paid her double just to shut her gob and get on with it. Felt good, though—coin well spent.

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After that, I head to the charcoal pit. It’s on the outskirts, near the coast. The view is sick! You can see the waves crashing against the rocks. I love that spot. But today, it’s super windy. I’m trying to light the fire, and the wind’s like, “Nah, not today, buddy.” I’m getting frustrated. I’m yelling at the fire like it’s a person. “Come on, burn already!”

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