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About Tokyo

Me, I’d be happy just watchin’ Leo snort cash off a table—prostitutes or not, that movie’s my jam. But real life? Hmm… it’s messy. Ya gotta dodge creeps, cops, and crusty motels. Pro tip—check reviews online, like Yelp for hookers! Sounds fake, but it’s legit—people rate ‘em. “Five stars, smelled nice!”—hahaha, I’m dyin’! Anyway, don’t be a dope—cash upfront, no IOUs, or you’re screwed. “Money talks, bullshit walks,” right?

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Finally, I get to work at this little café on Hachioji Street. It’s cozy, but today? Ugh. The espresso machine decides to throw a tantrum. I’m there, tryin’ to fix it, and it’s like, “Nah, not today, buddy.” I’m sweating bullets, and my boss is givin’ me the death stare. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just coffee!” But no, she’s all about that caffeine life.

A guide to Shinjuku - things to do and places to go