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Then she goes, “Meet me by the docks,” and I’m like, happy days! Heart’s racin’, knob’s twitchin’ – oops, typo, meant *nob* – nah, sod it, keepin’ it. Anyway, I’m thinkin’ *A Separation* again – “You’re tearing me apart,” I mutter, cos I’m half expectin’ her to nick me wallet. Surprised me, though – she shows up, all legs and lipstick, proper fit. I’m gobsmacked, like, “You’re no minger!” She laughs, “Cheers, you charmer.”

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After that, I decide to check out the local market on Kōen-dōri. It’s packed with fresh produce, and I’m in heaven. I grab some strawberries, and they’re the juiciest things ever. I’m munching away, feeling like a king. But then, I see this guy trying to haggle over a cucumber. Like, dude, it’s a cucumber! Just buy it! I’m rolling my eyes, but it’s kinda funny too.

Japanese singer Hideki Saijo, known for ‘YMCA’ cover, dies aged 63