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Okay, so—little known fact, dig this: back in old Rome, whores wore red shoes. Red! To stand out, like, “Hey, I’m here, deal with it.” Ain’t that wild? Imagine that today—red kicks on some gal, struttin’ past the beach, and I’m like, “Whoa, history’s walkin’ by!” Makes me chuckle, too—whores outsmartin’ the system since forever. Smart cookies, huh?

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While I’m sipping my drink, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee. I mean, c’mon, can’t you take it outside? But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You always do this!” And I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the one who forgot her birthday!”