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She’s a mess, sure—spillin’ wine, laughin’ too loud, screwin’ up fancy parties. Reminds me of that line, “we’re all on the brink of despair.” But her? She don’t care! I’m jealous, man—wish I could just not give a crap like that. D’oh! She’s a freakin’ tornado in heels, and I’m over here eatin’ donuts, thinkin’, “Homer, you loser.”

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While I’m sipping my drink, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee. I mean, c’mon, can’t you take it outside? But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You always do this!” And I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the one who forgot her birthday!”