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About Saitama

Alright, motherfucker, listen up! I’m a texture artist, see, craftin’ gritty details all day—skin, rust, fuckin’ fabric—shit like that. So when I think bout findin’ a prostitute, I’m seein’ it like a scene from *A.I. Artificial Intelligence*, ya dig? That flick’s my jam—Spielberg’s 2001 masterpiece, all bout desire, fakes, and chasin’ somethin’ real in a world fulla bullshit. Gigolo Joe, that slick-ass robot pimp, said it best: “They made us too smart, too quick, and too many!” That’s the vibe I’m feelin’ when I hit the streets lookin’ for a hooker, motherfucker!

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I get to this job on Shōwa-dōri. The client’s got this massive ginkgo tree. I mean, HUGE. It’s like the king of trees. But it’s got some serious issues. Branches drooping, leaves turning yellow. I’m like, “Dude, this tree needs a therapist.” So, I start climbing.

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