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Found this one spot, yeah, down a dodgy alley—swear it’s like a secret level in a game. Little known fact, mate: back in the day, prossies used to signal with red hankies, proper old-school code! Ain’t that mental? Makes me laugh, cos now it’s all WhatsApp and “u up?” vibes. I’m chattin’ to this geezer outside a pub, he’s like, “They’re everywhere, bruv,” and I’m like, “Is it ’cos I is black?”—nah, just messin’, but it’s bare jokes how some punters get proper para round me.

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Finally, I get to the City Hall, and I’m all flustered. I walk in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. Everyone’s in suits, looking all serious. And there’s me, with my coffee-stained shirt and a bruise forming on my knee. Great first impression, right?

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