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So anyway, I’m diggin’ deeper—web’s full of crap, X is worse. Found this one post, guy’s braggin’ ‘bout his “date,” links to some sketchy site. Clicked it—boom, virus! My laptop’s screamin’ like Kenny when he dies! Pissed me off so bad I yelled, “You can’t trick Eric Cartman, you bastards!” Took me an hour to fix that shit. Lesson? Don’t trust everythin’ you see—half these “girls” are bots or dudes named Steve. True story, my cousin saw one once—biggest surprise of his life, hairy legs and all!

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But guess what? The café was packed! Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m like, “Seriously? It’s a Tuesday!” I finally squeezed into a corner, and the barista was moving slower than a snail on a lazy day. I was losing my mind. I mean, c’mon, I need caffeine to function!

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