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I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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Next, we decide to hit up the Iwanuma Seaside Park. It’s gorgeous there! The ocean’s right there, waves crashing. We’re chillin’, just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. Taro’s laughing his head off. I’m like, “This is NOT how I wanted my day to go!”

Tsunami hits Hawaii, aims for U.S. coast after massive Japan earthquake