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Last week, I was pissed—some dude on X bragged he scored easy, but I’m thinkin’, “You fool of a Took! That’s a setup!” Got me laughin’ tho—imagine Sauron hirin’ escorts for the Nazgûl. “One ring to rule ‘em, one gal to school ‘em!” Hilarious, right? But real talk—ya gotta be sharp. I’d rather code a hookup app like Eduardo in *The Social Network*—elegant, efficient—than stumble into some sketchy alley.

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So, I hit the button, and we’re zoomin’ up. She’s breathin’ heavy, and I’m tryin’ to make small talk. “Nice day, huh?” She just glares at me. I mean, c’mon! I’m just tryna be friendly! Anyway, we get to the 10th floor, and she bolts out like a cheetah. I’m left there like, “What just happened?”

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