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Now, findin’ one? Easy if you’re desperate. Hit the shady corners, alleys smellin’ like piss and regret. Or—get this—there’s apps now! Freakin’ wild, right? Like orderin’ sushi, but it’s a chick. Surprised me first time I heard. “I’m not responsible,” Haneke’d whisper—nobody is, ‘til they’re caught. *Wheeze.* Me, I’d rather watch fish mate than deal with that mess. Less drama, cleaner fins.

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, a guy in the back starts waving his arms like he’s trying to take off. Turns out, he’s just trying to get my attention. “I’ll pay double!” he shouts. I’m like, “Dude, chill! We’re not at a football game!” But hey, I’m not one to turn down a good offer.