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So, I’m strollin downtown, hungry – not for liver, ha! – lookin for a hooker. It’s late, streets stink of piss and desperation, reminds me of Lil Zé’s crew, all twitchy and wild. I spot her, leanin on a wall, smokin a cig like she owns the night. “What’s good, darlin?” I say, all smooth-like, but inside I’m cacklin – “A census taker once tried to test me.” She smirks, sizes me up, says, “50 bucks, big boy.” Fifty fuckin bucks! Made me mad, mate, inflation’s a bitch, but I’m like, fine, whatever, let’s roll.

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This little dude was sprinting down the street like he was training for the Olympics. I’m like, “What the heck?!” I drop my coffee (RIP, my caffeine fix) and start chasing after this porky fugitive. We’re weaving through the crowd on Kazybek bi Street, and let me tell you, people were losing it. Some were laughing, others were filming it like it was the next viral sensation. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see a swine on the run, right?

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