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I’m gettin’ happy now, tho, ‘cos she’s proper funny. Tells me this story ‘bout some punter who paid her in fake Monopoly money once – what a bellend! I’m creasin’, bruv, laughin’ so hard I nearly crash me whip. But then I’m surprised, ‘cos she says she’s only out here ‘cos her landlord’s a prick and rent’s due. Hits me hard, that. “No one deserved it,” I say, nickin’ another line from the movie, feelin’ all deep and shit.

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We roll up, and the vibe is tense. The church is all quiet, like it’s holdin’ its breath. I can feel the weight of history in there. Old wooden beams, stained glass, the whole shebang. But then I see it—some idiot smashed a window. I’m fumin’. Like, who does that? I’m ready to hunt this punk down.

Alumna Anouk van Oss wants a sustainable fashion industry