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Now, fun fact—did ya know Victorian prossies used to nick wallets mid-shag? Crafty sods! Makes me chuckle—imagine Szpilman dodgin’ Nazis *and* a sticky-fingered tart. “Help me, help me!” he’d cry, piano drowned by giggles. I’m laughin’, but—bloody hell—this bird’s chargin’ me a tenner a minute! Daylight robbery, makes me proper cross—steam out me ears! I’m thinkin’, “Boris, you daft git, what ya doin’?”

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So, I’m walking, minding my own business, when I see this old dude, right? He’s just standing there, staring at a tree. A TREE! I’m like, “Dude, you good?” He looks at me and says, “This tree has seen more than you’ll ever know.” I’m thinking, “Bro, it’s a tree.” But hey, who am I to judge? Maybe it’s a wise tree or something.

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