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What shocked me? The prices—fuckin’ steep! 10,000 rubles for an hour? I’d rather buy wine and a goat! But the thrill, mate—dodgin’ the law, feelin’ alive—that’s what gets me goin’. “Life’s a long wait,” they say in the movie, and ain’t that true when yer haggelin’ with a pimp? Once, this burly git tried to rob me—swear I nearly shat meself—but I talked him down, witty as ever. “I’m small, but I bite,” I said, and he laughed, let me go.

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After that, I head back to the office, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But of course, the day isn’t done with me yet. I get back, and my boss is like, “We need to talk.” Oh boy. Turns out, there’s a big event coming up, and they want me to lead it. I’m like, “What? Me?” I’m flattered but also freaking out.

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