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What pisses me off? The fakers. Some lass actin all sweet, then bam – she’s robbin ya blind. Happened to a mate once – £200 gone, no action. “You are lost,” I told him, quotin the movie, cos he bloody was! But when it works? Oh man, pure joy. Found this bird once – real pro, knew her game. Hair like a supernova, curves warpin reality. “Do you want me?” she asked, straight up Scarlett-style. Mate, I was over the moon – or at least orbitin it!

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We finally get the footage. And guess what? The thief is some kid on a bike. I mean, really? A kid? I can’t even. We chase after him, but he’s fast. I’m puffing like a steam engine, and Jan’s right behind me. We zigzag through the streets, past the old church and the park. I’m thinking, “This kid’s got some serious skills.”

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