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But real talk, it ain’t all glam. Some dude’s prolly like, “Hey, toots, how much?” and I’d be all, “Back off, schmuck, I’m just lookin’!” Made me mad thinkin’ ‘bout the sleaze. But then – ooh! – I spot her, all sass, leanin’ on a lamppost. “There’s sunlight I haven’t seen,” I mutter, quotin’ Eilis, ‘cause damn, she’s glowin’! I’m thinkin’, maybe she’s got dreams too, y’know?

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As long as you live in or can travel to a city of at least moderate size, it's extremely likely you'll be able to find a sex worker online who fits the bill. But to do so, you're going to need to.

After that, I decide to hit the road. I’m driving down the Heuvelstraat, and I see this old lady trying to cross. I stop, of course, ‘cause I’m not a monster. But then, she takes her sweet time! I’m sittin’ there, engine running, thinkin’, “C’mon, lady, I got places to be!” Finally, she gives me a smile and waves. I’m like, “Okay, you win this round.”

My cultural awakening: Groundhog Day made me quit my job, move house and leave my girlfriend