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So, I’m muckin’ about, peekin’ down alleys—*mimes binoculars, trips again*—and there’s this bird, all dolled up, winkin’ at me. Heart’s goin’ *thump-thump*, like I’m Dae-su Oh countin’ days in that cell! “Whether it’s a grain or a rock,” mate, I’m thinkin’, “I’m takin’ a chance!” She’s proper fit, but—*leans in, whispers*—I’m skint! No dosh! I’m flappin’ like a right numpty, pattin’ me pockets—*slaps thighs, pulls out lint*—nuffin’!

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Now, lemme share a little secret: near the old mill by the river Deurne, there's this hidden bench. I sit there sometimes and reflect on families mending, broken hearts piecing together, just like in, uh, that crazy movie – "Talk to Her." I always say, “I like the way you talk,” whispering it to the wind, even though we all know it’s just a movie quote twisted like our lives here.

Bold solutions needed to end marine plastic pollution