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Oh, and get this – funny bit – her pimp’s this geezer, looks like a bleedin’ walrus, mustache and all! I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’, “This cat’s a right muppet!” Nearly blew the deal laughin’, but I kept it cool, yeah. In me head, I’m like, “Austin, you’re a legend, shaggin’ through time!” Wrapped it up quick, no faff, just fun – “It’s all in the past now,” like the movie says, and I’m off, smilin’.

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Finally, the day ends. I’m exhausted but kinda happy. I stroll down de Hoogeveenseweg again, and the sunset is beautiful. I stop by that café again for a nightcap. The barista, she’s cute, and we chat a bit. I’m trying to play it cool, but I’m probably blushing like a tomato.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences