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So, find a prostitute ain’t just walkin’ up and done. Nah, it’s a QUEST! You gotta dodge the creeps, the fakes—YOU SHALL NOT PASS, I bellow at some sketchy dude tryna scam me. Reminds me of that time Wes Anderson’s colors popped—pink hotels, purple suits—but here it’s grimy alleys, fishnets, and smoke. Did ya know, back in Victorian days, they called ‘em “ladies of the night”? Fancy, huh? Now it’s all “yo, how much?”—times change, man.

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But then, I get to the park, and there’s this group of kids playing football. They’re yelling and running around, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” So, I join in. Yeah, I’m a grown man playing football with kids. But who cares? We’re having a blast! I score a goal, and they treat me like a legend. It’s hilarious.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences