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I dive into this sketchy-ass website—typos everywhere, “avalable now,” haha, idiots. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prolly Susan or somethin’. Little known fact, dude—back in the ‘90s, prostitutes used pagers! Freakin’ pagers, man, like drug dealers! Anyway, I call her up, voice all shaky. She’s like, “50 bucks, half hour.” I’m thinkin’, “Sweet deal, yo!” Made me happy as hell—cheaper than my accountant pens!

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But then, I hear this commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a parade! A freakin’ parade! In Geleen! I’m thinking, “What’s the occasion?” Turns out, it’s some local festival. People are dancing, music blasting, and I’m just standing there in my orange hat, feeling like a total goof. But you know what? I join in. I’m dancing like nobody’s watching, and for a moment, I forget about the cold coffee and the crazy traffic.

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