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I’m picturing it now—dim lights, smoky air, me snarking, “This joint’s a petri dish!” Research brain’s buzzing—could study STI rates, mental health stats, economic impacts—goldmine! But also, ew, the sleaze factor? Over 9000. Exaggerating? Maybe. Don’t care. “I can see Russia from my house!”—and brothels too, apparently. They’re everywhere if you squint. Carol’d hate the tacky decor, probs—too classy for velvet curtains.

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First off, I’m cruising down de Veldweg, thinking about my coffee fix. I stop at that little café, you know, the one with the weird name? Yeah, that one. I order my usual, a cappuccino with extra foam. The barista, bless her heart, spills it all over the counter. Like, come on! I’m already running late. I just laugh it off, but inside, I’m fuming.

Three LA Galaxy Academy players named to U.S. U-17 roster for 4 Nations Tournament