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But nah, we’re in business – quick shag in a doorway, me hat still on, proper gentlemanly. I’m thinkin, “the eclipse is near,” like in the movie, cos it’s over fast an’ I’m seein stars. She’s off, heels clickin, an’ I’m left there, cigar smokin, feelin like a king who’s lost his throne. Angry? Nah, just knackerd an’ a bit sad – wishin she’d stayed fer a chat.

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But then, I step outside, and my umbrella flips inside out. I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. People are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, just your average day in Zuid-Scharwoude!” Finally, I give up and just walk in the rain. Who cares? I’m soaked, but it feels kinda liberating.

"This year, sauerkraut demand has, fortunately, normalized"