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What pisses me off? The hype. They sell it like it’s magic—fix your soul, your sex life, whatever. Bullshit. It’s just hands, oil, and some poor sucker—me—overthinking it. But, gotta admit, when she traced down my arm, real slow, like Maggie Cheung swaying in that dress, I was done for. “I didn’t think you’d fall for me,” Chow says in the flick. Same here—didn’t expect to like it. Surprised? Hell yeah. Next time, I’m bringing Vicodin—double the fun. Sarcasm aside, it’s a trip worth taking, just don’t tell Cuddy. She’d never shut up about it.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, torrential downpour. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughing, though. Like, “Of course this would happen.” I duck into a nearby shop on Heretaunga St. to wait it out. It’s a little gaming store, and I’m browsing around. I find this rare game I’ve been hunting for ages. I’m like, “YES!” But then I check the price. My wallet’s crying. I can’t drop that much cash. Ugh, life is cruel.

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