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Now, don’t get me wrong—I ain’t judgin’. Life’s a crapshoot, and she’s rollin’ dice. Kinda like when Chihiro says, “I’m not afraid of anything!”—Candy’s got that fire, but dang, it’s a rough gig. I’d tell her, “Git outta that river, gal, it’s fulla stink!”—y’know, like the movie? But nah, she’s stubborn. Makes me wanna holler, “Bless yer heart, you’re killin’ me!”

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First off, I hit up the local café on Wairere Ave. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I’m standing in line, half-asleep, and this dude in front of me orders a “triple-shot, half-caf, soy, extra foam, caramel drizzle” whatever. Like, bro, it’s coffee, not a science experiment! I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, not decipher a menu from outer space.

Hamilton schools lockdown ends with imitation firearms seized, person in custody