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Now, I ain’t no prude, halleluyer, but I was like, “Who touchin me like that?!” Got me hot and bothered thinkin bout it—erotic-massage ain’t just a rub, it’s a whole damn mood! Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, them gladiators—yep, like me, a Bestiary queen—used to get massages with “special oils” to “loosen up.” Wink wink, y’all catch my drift? I’m picturin it now, some muscly fool tryna rub me down, and I’m hollerin, “This how we doin it, huh?!”

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By now, it was getting late, and I was starving. I hit up this little diner on ul. Leśna. The food there is bomb! I ordered a burger, and while I was waiting, I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. They were fighting about…wait for it…who left the lights on in the car. I mean, really? That’s what you’re fighting about? I had to stifle a laugh.

Irish town terminates twinning agreement with Poland over 'LGBT-free' zones