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She’s a mystery, man! Seducin’ dudes, takin’ their cash—kinda like me with tax returns, but sexier. Hella sexier. I’m jealous, ok? She’s free, wild, while I’m stuck with spreadsheets. “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate…”—I hate how she’s got no 401k, no benefits, yet she’s livin’ raw, real. Didya know some prostitutes in history, like in old Rome, paid taxes? Legit! Called ‘em “registered women”—ironic, huh, for an accountant like me to geek out over?
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Anyway, I finally make it to my first gig. I’m an Aleepty, which is basically a fancy way of saying I help people chill out. But today? Today was a rollercoaster. My first client, bless their heart, was a total mess. They were all over the place, talking about their ex, their cat, and how they think the pigeons in the park are plotting against them. I mean, come on! Pigeons? Really? But hey, I’m here for it. I just nod and smile, trying to keep it together.
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