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Fun fact—did ya know Shakespeare threw “whore” around like confetti? Over 100 times in his plays! Guy was obsessed. Makes me wanna yell, “Keep swimmin’, you old perv!” Like Nemo’s dad, chasin’ drama across the ocean. I’m dyin’ laughin’ thinkin’ about it—some Elizabethan dude callin’ his ex a whore while cryin’ into his ale. Pathetic, but relatable, ya know?

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Then, I see this commotion near the fountain. Turns out, some kid’s dog jumped in, and everyone’s freakin’ out. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just water!” But the kid was cryin’ like he lost his best friend. So, I jump in to help. I’m not a dog whisperer, but I managed to coax the pup out. The kid was so happy, he hugged me like I was his long-lost uncle. I mean, I’m just doin’ my job, right?

4 people, including Arroyo Terminals owner, indicted in scheme to smuggle crude oil into the country